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Dear younger me👶🏼you are infinitely valuable💕you are precious💎you are wanted🤱🏻you are capable💪🏼you are not alone👥

today’s quote is a truth i needed as a kid, teen, and still today.

as a person adopted from korea, there’ve been many barriers that stood and continue to stand in the way of reconnecting with my birth mother. swipe left and you’ll see how culture and circumstances have been among the most significant.

i’d love to share my family with her and those around her; the joys and frustrations, the breadth and depth of love and hope; her grandchildren! she’s not in a place to make space for that, and that’s ok. because she’s got needs, too.

the message from the adoption agency is so real on many levels: “it is hard to meet birthmother.”

rejection hurts. uncertainty, un-met expectations, denial of these basic human desires, it sucks. and yet, i will not be held in bondage by my situation.

for adoptees, i wanna shine light into and from our narratives; and dismantle that which holds us back. i’ve heard thousands of your questions. we’ve sat together in the pain of wishing for that connection. mourning the loss. embracing the anger. surviving the sadness.

for birth parents, i see you. and i acknowledge the complexities of your situation.

over time, as i shift her from the center of my universe, my heart is freed up to see it from hers. she’s important, and she’s hurting. but her shame doesn’t get to define my worth. or my purpose in life. there is only one who does. and from there i stand. grow. love.

i can’t say it’ll make your job any easier, or less painful. but i’ll be cheering for and standing with you as you pursue restoration and meaning in your own way. adoptees and birth parents especially need to hear this, whatever your age and social location: you are infinitely valuable. you are precious. you are wanted. you are capable. you are not alone.

#adoption #empathy #adoptionjourney #transracialadoption #internationaladoption #koreanadoption #traumarecovery #birthmom #birthparents #rejection #hopequotes #adopteerights #youarenotalone #adopteemovement #mentalhealthawareness #psychology #traumarecovery #hope #igblogger

March 2019 comment 26 star 126

If you’re a hopeful adoptive parent, you can have fears of bonding with your adopted child. i can only speak from my own experiences and pray that it somehow gives you peace and encourages families to adopt, even when there are so many unknowns and fears that can creep in. any new baby is new, adopted or not, you are on a journey of getting to know your little one, their likes, dislikes, what kind of pacifier, swaddle, no swaddle, everything is new. you are on a journey of building a relationship of love and trust. i don’t remember the 9 months i was in my birth mothers womb. i respect her for giving me life and placing me. i used to feel pressure that we were supposed to have this great bond because we shared dna, but i didn’t, she’s not my mother. i can tell you as an adoptee the love between my mother and i is real, i feel connected to her, and she is an amazing mother all i have ever known and needed. as an adoptive mother i was so scared after reading and educating myself on adoption. there was so much talk about bonding with my baby, and how there’s trauma and loss. it seemed strange reading about adoptees, since i am an adoptee and do not feel that way. i loved banning long before i knew him, i prayed for my future child most of my life. i didn’t get to do skin to skin like all the books tell you to do right away, or even feed him for several days. all i really could do was be present in the room, hold his little hand with a glove on, and pray. there is no doubt in my mind we have a heavenly bond. he is the happiest, smiliest, content baby. when i walk in a room he smiles at me, he reaches for me, he’s most comfortable snuggling with me. i’m his mama. he’s my son.
#adoption #adoptionjourney #adoptionstory #adoptionrocks #adoptionisbeautiful #adoptionislove #adoptionsaveslives #adoptee #adoptees #adopteevoices #adopteemovement #adopteerights #adopteestrong #adopteesspeak #momlife #hopefuladoptivefamily #motherhood #adoptioneducation #motherhoodjourney #hopefuladoptiveparents

3 weeks ago comment 17 star 171

Positive self-talk makes you feel good about yourself and the things that are going on in your life. + it's like having an optimistic voice in your head that always looks on the bright side.
#depressionandanxiety #ptsd #schoolpsych #schoolpsychologist #adoption #adopteemovement #learningdisability #advocate

last month comment 5 star 133

Getting pregnant after adopting. honestly i am scared to. i’m scared of the “you know once you adopt your going to get pregnant.” i know people say things with a good heart and intentions, but this really makes me cringe. it’s frustrating and sort of diminishes adoption. i didn’t adopt as a good deed or magic potion to get pregnant. there was not other agenda behind it other than i was adopted and i have always my whole life wanted to adopt. i don’t know what the future holds as far as how we will grow our family next. but for now i’m just soaking in banning and loving our one on one time. :
#adoption #adoptionadvocate #adoptee #adoptionjourney #adoptionstory #adoptionawareness #adoptionstories #adoptionsaveslives #adoptionbuiltus #adopteemovement #adopteevoices #adoptiontriad #progressingadoption #adoptionislove #honestmotherhood #motherhoodinspired #adoptionblogger #adoptionlanguage #adoptioneducation #lovemakesafamily

4 weeks ago comment 16 star 173

November 2018 comment 10 star 156

“i wish i could have stayed with mama joy”
i was conditioning her hair, running the comb through like i have done a million times before. we had been talking about addition facts and what she wanted to do for her birthday...and then...she just said it. .
with adoption she has been afforded different opportunities (never better, definitely different), the ability to travel the world, access to an amazing education, all the love in the world, and yet she wishes she could have stayed where she was meant to be. .
my heart is wrecked for her, because i have spent so many days wishing for the exact same. she wasn’t meant to be mine...and with every fiber of my being i hate this is her story. i am not hurt by her words, not an ounce of anger or disappointment, i am relieved. i sobbed in the darkest corner of my room as i felt like a ten ton truck had been lifted from my chest. my baby...our baby girl...knows where she comes from. she is confident in her story and trusts me enough to share her grief...her heart. all i have ever wanted was for her to know how loved, wanted, and chosen she is to both of her mamas...all of her families.
adoptive mamas (and dads), your love will never be enough. you will never be enough. your home, cars, vacations, and every framed quote on the internet will never fill the void. we have to create a space for them to grieve out loud, to mourn and process at their own pace, and to just stop talking long enough to hear them. .
i am the lucky one. i have been afforded all of the privileges of being the mother that raises her. i am not enough, but i became a better mother to her when i accepted that and started doing the work for her and her first mama. will it ever be perfect? no. will insecurities and jealous surface? absolutely? was it ever about us? never. .
we can do this. for them, we have to.

March 2019 comment 165 star 554

This is a glimpse of the total and complete adoration the two of us have had for each other since day one. from the moment i spoke to his first mom i knew that we’d all be family forever. regardless of whether she would choose to parent him or allow me that privilege, i knew that i would stand by her side as a sister and a friend - no matter what. ultimately, she chose for me to be his forever mama, but we never stopped being family. today, #openadoption allowed me to look at jay’s teachers during our parent-teacher conference and confidently explain that he got his sweet sensitivity from #thelovelymissn... and his silly, cartoon character side is all #pop, his first dad. knowing where you come from and who you look like should be a basic minimum right of every adoptee. our son is, sadly, among the small percentage of adoptees that get to know why his eyes tilt just so when he smiles, and why his feet are the size and shape of actual bricks. he gets to have a deeper, fuller understanding of who he is because #shechoselife and #ichooselove... and together we are his family.

#hehastwomoms #werebothhisrealmom

4 weeks ago comment 11 star 184

February 2019 comment 3 star 165

Adoption isn’t over once the baby is placed with its family. it’s a lifelong journey. lots of emotions, for everyone involved. i would suggest writing things down for your child, so when the questions come when they are older you know exactly what happened, if you don’t have an honest answer from them, the worst thing you can do is make one up. i have known i was adopted my whole life, my mom would tell me my adoption story even as a baby. the earlier the better, that way it will flow better and be more comfortable as the child gets older and really understands. when i got older my mom only really talked about my adoption unless i asked. i was thankful for that, i was a “regular” child, adoption wasn’t who i was or defined me, it’s something that happened to me. when i had questions she always answered if she had one, if she didn’t she sat with me while i felt the loss, and helped me through it. i still have days where my mind wanders, and i get confused, but i know with all my heart i’m exactly where i am meant to be with the family i have. if any twist or turn went any different way i wouldn’t of made it to my husband or my son, i’m thankful god has a bigger plan, and is kind and good to me.
#adoption #adoptionjourney #adoptionstory #adoptionislove #adoptionawareness #adoptionishard #adoptionisbeautiful #adoptee #adopteevoices #adopteemovement #adopteestrong #adopteerights #adopteestories #adoptees #adoptivemom #hopefuladoptiveparents #motherhood #hopefuladoptivefamily #motherhoodunited #momlife

4 weeks ago comment 16 star 191