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Instagram Public Photos with #aapi

Taking on roles that do not belong to us make it difficult to live our own lives, have healthy relationships, and care for our own needs. we often end up playing certain roles out of what feels like a necessity, survival, and/or to manage a difficult situation as children. these 'roles' often make it difficult to have the energy to invest into more appropriate relationships (your role as a spouse, a parent to your own kids, a friend to your peers, etc.), discover our passions and interests, engage with others in healthy ways, recognize and advocate for what we need, and prioritize ourselves.

23 hours ago comment 25 star 405

Happy national grandparents day! although sometimes a generational/cultural/language divide can be hard to cross, the connections we have to our grandparents are real and worth honoring. take some time to call your grandparents today and show them some appreciation for the food, wisdom, secret allowance money, herbal medicine, stories, candies, and all of the other ways that they show us love.⁠⠀
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and—let us know in the comments below which nostalgic asian candy is more iconic 🐰🍓⁠⠀
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art by: @meanzchanart⁠⠀
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#aapi #asianamerican #asian #grandparentsday #nationalgrandparentsday #asiangrandparents ⁠⠀

2 weeks ago comment 49 star 1,068

Maybe you were a parentified child growing up and it has left emotional scars that has lasted into your adulthood.  you took on caretaking responsibilities for parents, siblings, or other family members at the expense of your own developmental needs.  you were forced to grow up early without being given the space to be a kid.  it can be a traumatic loss of your youth that deserves to be grieved.

being a parentified child is often a consequence and attempt to survive stressful situations such as an abusive relationship between parents, immigration, financial instability, alcohol/drug addiction in the home, family chronic illness or disability, death of a family member, an absent parent, or divorce.  it is a way to cope with these life stressors, but it is not the only way to cope with them.

you can't change what has happened, but you can acknowledge the injustice of what you endured and how it has impacted you.  maybe your experiences made you quiet, "low maintenance", without a voice and expectations, and have low self-esteem or no boundaries.  maybe you weren't given the space to even explore what you needed or wanted.  and if you did, it's possible that it was often associated with guilt and shame to engage in anything close to 'self'-care.  maybe it has left you expecting little from others and distrusting other people's capacity to be trustworthy.  maybe you find it difficult to regulate your own emotions because you never had support from your own caregivers to co-regulate (support you with your emotions) when you most needed it.  maybe you catch yourself perpetuating the injustice to your own kids even though you told yourself that you wouldn't do the same. .
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moving forward as an adult who was/still is a parentified child takes courage.  it starts with embracing your story.  it demands that you look inward and realize your innate worth as a human being, your resilience in enduring difficult life circumstances, your immense capacity to connect deeply with others and most importantly with yourself, and your ability to be resourceful to give yourself what you and "little (name)" needed and still needs today. may you have courage to walk this journey ❤️

3 weeks ago comment 49 star 642

We stand with chanel miller, who bravely came forward with her identity recently as the "emily doe" in the stanford #sexualassault case in 2015. her story is absolutely one worth telling and listening to. let's publicize her name instead of her assaulter's, and identify her as a powerful survivor instead of a nameless victim. #knowhername⁣

chanel miller's powerful statement on the impact that the assault had on her shocked the country and gave voice to survivors everywhere. it's one that we'll remember forever. her identity as an #asianamerican is both relevant and important, and serves as a reminder that womxn of color are disproportionately the victims of assault, abuse, and a flawed justice system.⁣

clearly, there is still work to be done—but believing survivors and their stories is a start. on sept 24th, chanel miller will be sharing her story and reclaiming her identity in her upcoming memoir called "know my name." we know what we're adding to our reading list.⁣

portrait by the talented @tangerine__scream and image repost from @ajplus⁣ 💛

#sayhername #chanelmiller #aapi #activism #takeastand #standupforwhatsright #knowmyname #metoo #believewomen #supportwomen #chanelmiller #believesurvivors

5 days ago comment 5 star 704

Sometimes we have to teach our parents. it’s hard and a long process but just like they don’t know what it’s like to be born or grow up here, we don’t know what it’s like to move here, alone, without much. 🌱 swipe ▶️▶️▶️▶️

last month comment 60 star 6,000

Just because things are getting "better" on the outside doesn't always mean that you are feeling better on the inside. sometimes, these well-intentioned responses can deepen your experience of anxiety and pain. you set yourself up to intensify you feeling inadequate, insecure, unworthy, unloveable, like a failure, and like you don't matter. .
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be open to exploring what drives these responses for you and nurture the parts of you that need to be reminded that you are good enough, you are loveable, you matter, you are human, and you are worthy without you doing any of these things ❤️ happy monday!

1 weeks ago comment 37 star 600

Maybe you don't know how to care for your emotions because it was never modeled for you. .
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maybe you don't recognize your emotions because you were told to stuff it without being provided the space to process it with a safe adult. .
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maybe you don't trust that anyone can handle your emotions with care because you were used to being met with emotional distress by the very people who were supposed to be 'safe' for you. .
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maybe you think that your emotions are too burdensome to care for because that is what you experienced from the closest people in your life. .
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maybe you are afraid to disappoint someone if you disclose your emotions because you grew up feeling so much pressure to behave and people please at the cost of ignoring your own needs. .
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maybe you've told yourself that emotions don't matter, won't change anything, or won't get you anywhere so it's best to avoid them. .
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the kind of care you were met with when you've felt difficult emotions can help you make sense of your relationship with your own emotions.  identifying your relationship with your own emotions can help you explore the needs that you may need to address.
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numbing and avoiding won't make the feelings go away.  that will only intensity the feelings until you "spill over" from emotional overload and it can have very severe consequences to your relationships, decisions, and your life. .
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not "burdening" others with your emotions will keep you emotionally disconnected and distant from the people you love and who love you.  you will also end up neglecting your own needs. .
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not feeling the fullness of your emotions will make it difficult to understand your underlying needs and care for it intentionally and meaningfully.  they will linger with no relief. .
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staying angry without going deeper to the wounding that feeds the anger will keep you stuck in your resentment, shame, and self-pity. .
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even if you didn't get what you needed growing up, you can learn to meet your needs now.  what are you waiting for?

3 weeks ago comment 41 star 561

@simuliu sending our listeners x’s &o’s 😘these shirts aren’t just for the asianbossgirls, they’re a way to show your love for the boss ladies in your life ❤️ (simu’s wearing a large here ). #linkinbio to shop!

we recorded🎙 an episode with him today, which we’re super excited about. his journey is like no other. catch him in season 5 of abg...to be announced ;)

Yesterday comment 27 star 1,848

From 2016-2018, i was in a relationship with someone who mistreated me. but i stayed as long as i did because i thought i was in love.

for “love”, i…

made myself smaller so that my ex could feel bigger. pretended not to need emotional support to ignore the painful ways he never showed up for me. altered my appearance when he asked why i stopped “trying” aka why didn’t i wear makeup every time i saw him? allowed his actions and inactions to whittle away at my self-confidence. silenced my intuition’s scream in favor of his safety and comfort. endured gaslighting, cognitive dissonance, emotional manipulation, and cheating to keep a false sense of security. pretended everything was great to my closest friends and family. lied to myself that this was love.

i didn’t know then what i know now - that society has us obsessed with a toxic definition of romantic love. one where women are taught to view our worth through the eyes of our partners. one where being in a relationship is better than being without. one where we must bleed out, sacrifice, and shut up if we want to be lovable. it’s reinforced in media, our own families, and within dating norms. it’s all so twisted and wrong. let me clear - this is not love!

i spent a year abstaining from dating after the breakup to focus on my healing. i journeyed into myself to understand how and why i ever let it get so bad. while i wish i never met him, i realized if it hadn’t been him, it might’ve been someone else. i had wounds i couldn’t see and reprogramming i didn’t know i needed until i hit rock bottom. this work of rebuilding myself is what finally opened my eyes to self-love.

as someone who used to roll her eyes at self-love, i share this bc i want to break the silence around toxic relationships that often shame the “victims” into the shadows. you are not broken and you have the power to rewrite your narrative. i hope this inspires you choose yourself, even when you don’t know where you’re headed, especially when it’s hard. today and every day, you deserve to know what your love feels like. ❤️
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shoutout to @bellhooks_ “all about love” which empowered me to put words to my experience last year.

20 hours ago comment 33 star 424